The Cultural Architect

I was in a good conversation last night with one of our pastors Bob Bickford.  Often I refer to our organization in the same likeness as a family system.  There are generations of leaders, systems of thought, patterns of behavior, etc.  In this frame of looking at our leaders and our organization, I've regularly used the terms "Culture Maintainers" and "Culture Shifters."  As Bob and I spoke about someone we knew who was a culture shifter, Bob expanded the idea, "That dude doesn't just shift culture.  He builds it."  

Ah!  He was right.  I've used the idea of shifting culture synonymously with building culture.  But that's incomplete.  Shifting culture implies that you're already in it.  It's a living organism.  It's like water in a mountain river and when a tree or boulder falls in it, the water shifts around the object yet keeps flowing.  But sometimes to shift culture, the only option is to create an entirely new one.  I call the person who does this the "Cultural Architect."

In the movie Inception, the dream sequences were created by an architect.  What did they do?  They created the rules of the world the dreamers would live in.  They designed the streets, the buildings, the layers, and every detail.  Architects of culture work similarly.  They see the addition of all the small things and how they contribute to a larger context.  Then they find ways to communicate both the small things and the context in a way that's attractive.  

In Daniel Pink's book A Whole New Mind, he explains how right-brainers create meaningful experiences out of mundane practices.  In a nutshell, he said they use story, design, empathy, play, meaning, and symphony as the tools to create a better world.  For the culture-architects I know, these are their implied strategies.  

Let me back up:  Who are the culture-maintainers and the culture-shifters?  How do they relate to the architect?  Let's use the idea from Pink's book about symphony.   We could think of it like this: the musicians, the conductor and the composer.

Cultural maintenance is key.  These are the musicians in the symphony.  You can't do it without them.  Together they can create absolute symphonic harmony or the worst dissonance.  But having the right players, the ones who know the music, know its intent, and know how to take what's on the page and make it translate, is the key to maintaining the vision of the piece.  They actually move the note on the page to the hearer's ear.  

Cultural shifting is important too.  The conductor does this.  When dissonance, pace, or the swells of strengths and weaknesses fall out of line, it's the conductor's hands that put everyone back together.  She's visible.  She understands the composer's heart, intent and content.  She can help the players when they're confused.  She can make sure she has the right players for the right spot.  She shifts things before, during and after performance to create symphonic harmony.  She has an intuitive sense for where things are moving, and a concrete sense of how things should be.  Having the wrong conductor can mean a train wreck.

But none of this is possible without the composer.  He doesn't just write in the notes--hundreds of thousands of notes.  He dreams and listens, and from his mind dictates not just the pitch but the variation, tone, and mood of how each note is played.  This composer knows what to say and how to say it.  He is the architect of an entire experience that evolves all the way from the initial inspiration to the execution of the final note.  Each instrument knows its part.  In here, but not there.  Loud here.  Soft here.  Gently.  All together.  The result is a power that transcends the pencil lead that scribbled the note on the page.  The composer has reached into the minds and hearts of everyone involved--musicians, conductors, and audience--and framed their participation in his world.  

The application for those of us in leadership is to understand the power and importance of each role and position people where they fit.  I didn't mention the Culture-Resistors.  They exist too.  They are the ones who neither support or change the world they're in.  They consistently resist it.  You may need to remove them, or coach them up so they can eventually become the right kind of resistance and help shift culture when needed.  It may be helpful to look at your teams and leaders and think about who fits where.  Do you have the composers in your organization?  What about conductors and players?  Are they in the right spot?  What can you do in your organization to create symphony?

jd  

Revisiting Our Adoption Story

I thought I'd repackage this whole story and post it again.  Here it is piece by piece.  The latest with us is we are still pursuing adoption.  It is a lot of waiting.  We are excited and hopeful and in a pretty good place these days.  In the meantime, Miranda and I are enjoying the summer together, laughing a lot and trying to keep it light.  Hope you readers are doing well, that those of you in the midst of trials like ours can stay hopeful and near to one another.  As you read, remember that persevering through suffering brings strength, that working through doubt brings assurance, and that wading through grief can bring rest and purpose.  

jd

Adoption Part 1: The Beginning

Adoption Part 2: Handling Obstacles

Adoption Part 3: Life

Adoption Part 4: Light in Darkness

Is Hope Foolish?

Grief

jd

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Staying Faithful Means No Porn, Brothers

After I wrote this post, I started getting a different kind of feedback in regard to men staying faithful to their wives.  The topic?  Addiction to pornography.  It was an interesting--and appropriate--application of the discussion of marital faithfulness.  While I had originally pointed to sexual and emotional affairs as a destructive behavior, many men came forward and confessed to me they had a different kind of unfaithfulness.  They were addicted to pornography. 

Many of them shared common traits that further enabled their poor choices: 
  • Lack of true biblical community
  • Lack of biblical truth in their lives
  • Anger towards their spouse, fiance or girlfriend for any number of reasons, most notably a lack of sex in the relationship.
I did not once get emails from men who were cheating on their wives in response to my call to be faithful.  Every email said the same thing, which tells me what I already know--there is a porn epidemic.  And it tells me if we think about pornography a little differently, we could make a case that it is the number one way men are unfaithful to their spouses.  There is a lot to cover here, so I'm not even going to try, but I'm going to speak to a couple things that came out of my interaction with some of these guys.  I pray it is helpful.

In some cases, a man may have experienced previous abuse.  Abuse is more common in men than anyone realizes.  Dan Allender's book Wounded Heart or The Healing Path may be a good resource there.  I recommended counseling to several men, and if you're reading this it may be helpful for you too, particularly if you are struggling in your marriage, dealing with addiction, or dealing with the weeds that have grown from past sin done against you. 

Couple other things I talked about with them:
I remember in a college class watching a Frontline special on the pornography industry.  We saw how a woman brought her friend into the industry, and without knowing what the scene was going to be, the friend was raped on camera with a knife held to her throat.  The first woman explained how not telling her friend what was going to happen made it more authentic for the viewer.  In that moment, I also remembered that 1-out of- 3 girls is sexually abused by the age of 18.  And I was overwhelmed with the idea that when a man engages in pornography, he is implicated in her abuse.  What I mean is he contributes to the cycle of abusive behavior by participating in an industry that perpetuates sexual sin against that girl--even if she is sinning against herself under her own will.  The porn addict rarely thinks of himself in the same light as he would think of a man who molests a young girl or a man who rapes a young woman. But I'm beginning to think he should.  

Finally, married men, pursuing oneness is an essential key for you and your wife.  Everything we do either moves toward our spouse or away from her.  There is no middle ground.  If you do nothing, you drift.  Oneness has to be a constant pursuit.  So in a fight, if you and your spouse can have oneness as the goal--not compromise, but oneness--instead of just winning the fight or discussion, you are saying your relationship is more important than your argument or position.  And if you can see that everything you do is either actively pursuing her or moving away from her, you can have an internal check for yourself when you see that you're drifting apart.  My wife and I have made this part of the language we use to talk about our relationship every day.  Frankly, it has saved us through all kinds of suffering that could have easily made us drift.

So if oneness can be your ultimate pursuit--the kind of oneness that means showing Christ to one another--then you can see how choosing pornography over your wife is contrary to oneness.  Or if she shuts you out sexually--as several men claimed happens to them--and you don't effectively communicate how that hurts you, you can see how your passivity in communication moves away from oneness.  And if you do communicate how you feel rejected, you do it in the correct way, and she still rejects you, you can keep pointing towards oneness as your pursuit...communicating how your real heart's desire is not just for sex, but for oneness and intimacy with her.  It may not solve everything, but it's a start.

The Five Love Languages was helpful for my wife in learning how to pursue oneness with me.  Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas was a helpful book for me in thinking about oneness and the constant pursuit of loving my wife like Christ loves the church.

In a sermon a couple weeks ago, my friend Jeremy Irwin said that when dealing with sin--particularly sin that is addictive--we have to be "strategic and severe."  He is right.  I pray you men can find the strength and support around you to be strategic and severe with the sin that is crippling you and your marriages.  

My last piece of advice.  
Stay connected to other dudes.  And stay in the word, bros.
jd

Help Out a Local Foster Child

Friends, I have taken it upon myself to contact the state regularly to find out some of the special situations out there in regard to the needs of foster children.  Here's one you could help with immediately.

A beautiful young girl was on her way to finding a foster home, but the family ending up changing their mind.  One thing they were able to do for her was take her to the orthodontist to get braces, which is wonderful.  However, now that this young girl is back in a residential facility, the state does not have funding for orthodontics.  She recently had a few broken brackets and was not able to get them repaired.  Additionally, the likelihood that she will be able to keep her braces on is very slim because of the continual orthodontist appointments needed for adjustments.  

We all say that beauty is on the inside, and that's great.  But this is an adolescent girl who has a chance at straight teeth and a beautiful smile.  If you are able and willing to help, please click here to send an email and find out how you can help a child in need

jd

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